“Mom it’s In His Nose!”

“Mom it’s In His Nose!” Episode 1
It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. Church service was over and I was sitting comfortably on the couch as dinner was cooking, talking to my husband, and enjoying the breeze. Life was good.
The conversation I was having with my husband was a wonderful debate about why the president was inadequate at doing his job and why we needed a new one in office. Granted, I was never crazy about President Bush, but I had to defend him when it comes to running a country; I imagine it has to be a difficult job. I may not have agreed with the choices he made, but the debate was not about that. It was about wars and defense and all the stuff that goes with presidential duties and whether or not Al Sharpton would have been a better man for the job. I love my husband, he is so narrow-minded and yet somehow open-minded at the same time, if even at all possible.
The children were unusually quiet which should have raised a red flag there. However, in my loving naivety it did not. I was in the middle of telling my husband how I believed that the best President would be someone with a better hair-do so America would not be laughed at, when I heard screaming.
My son, who was only a year old at the time, came running into the living room holding his nose. My oldest daughter came following, not exactly sure what was going on, but knew it couldn’t have been good. The middle child came walking in apprehensively with her head down. After assessing the situation and asking the children repetitively what had happened, while getting nothing but, “My nose,” I ignorantly decided that the boy was fine and just acting out.
I walked into the kitchen to check on the food when my son followed, screaming again, still holding his nose. Finally after probably the tenth time of me wiping it, my middle child walked in and said, “He put the phone in his nose.”
I look at my daughter and said, “He’s okay now.” Not really understanding what she was talking about. She gave me an odd look, shrugged her little shoulders, and left the room.
My oldest daughter got the hint. She grabbed my son and looked in his nose. She saw nothing. It didn’t make sense to her, so she bent him back further and began to scream.
“Mom! It’s in his nose!” Out of nowhere, the tears began to flow. “He’s dying mom! He’s dying! This is an EMERGENCY!”
I came in to figure out what in the world this child was so worked up about. My son is screaming, my oldest daughter is screaming, and my middle child has the look of “I told you so,” on her face.
I bent my son’s head back to find a piece of plastic, probably about an inch long, shoved so far up his nose that it was lodged right between his eyes. I holler at my husband, he grabs some tweezers, but the item is nested in there and refused to move. I feared we were going to break his nose if we tried any more.
We scream at the kids to get their shoes on and we drove straight to the hospital, which fortunately for my family is only about eight blocks away. We sit the two girls in the waiting room and my husband and I went into the emergency room with our son.
The doctor entered the room and seemed to think we were wasting his time before he looked into my son’s nose. He grabbed a pair of tweezers and laid my son down. After shining his light up there the doctor tried to put the tweezers in my baby’s nose. My son fought him. The man looked at us and said, “He did a number to his nose didn’t he?”
I smiled and said, “I wasn’t joking.” I couldn’t help it. He had annoyed me by acting the way he did.
“Well, I’m going to need some help with this one.” He said. “I’ll be right back.” The doctor ran out of the room to come back seconds later with four other doctors with him and some really strange looking instruments.
Between my husband and me, the four doctors, a long skinny pair of tweezers type instruments, and a lot of light, we were finally able to extract the cell phone antenna from my son’s head.
By the time the doctor finished, he looked at me and my husband and said, “I’m sure he will never put anything in his nose again!”
Oh how little did he know…

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