My week has been crazy, but also very eye opening. 6 days off of work taught me a lot about myself. I had posted pictures from the concert I went to, one of them captioned, ‘my life has forever changed’. That sounds dramatic, I know. But that’s the truth. My life has forever changed. Simply put and very serious.
I was at a concert with my daughter and sister and I watched as Ed Sheeran took the stage. I felt an emptiness in the pit of my stomach that was starting to fill up momentarily at the precise second in time when he walked across the stage to grab his guitar. For the next two or more hours, my life felt whole, complete.
Ed Sheeran left. We walked out of the arena. I couldn’t hear much, but I felt a lot. I watched this guy who is ten years my junior, live the life he chose for himself. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. He chose his path in life and nobody got in his way. He believed in himself. He has purposefully gone through homelessness, heartache, break ups, etc. to build a life that he longed for.
I left the arena feeling empty. Not depressed, but not fulfilled. I know there’s more to life than what I’m giving it. I know my passion, I know where my heart is at. Am I giving it my all? Not hardly. I use the excuse of children, husband, bills, etc. but that’s all it is, an excuse.
Two days after seeing Ed Sheeran and having to deal with the pit of my gut knowing it needed more than what I was giving it, my beautiful husband took me on an expedition. Okay, so we went up north. We went to my husband’s safe haven. The place he daydreams about when he’s stressed out. I listened to the man talk, and I realized that he, too, has a pit inside his stomach that is not fulfilled. We both have a hunger that we’ve denied in order to make ends meet.
Just like when Ed Sheeran walked onto the stage, I noticed my husband’s contentment when he was with me, looking at the colors in the trees, discussing the stars in the sky, and smelling the fresh cool breeze that comes from the lake. He was content and at peace. His contentment was so obvious to me, that I actually asked my husband if he wanted us to both quit our jobs to move up there. He looked at me dreamily and told me that he did not. I knew he was lying. For his sanity, I would have lied too.
Though our time there was short, we discussed some really big things. We had a weekend where we were experiencing life, love, and happiness. We were friends again, we had dreams, plans, and hope for the future. At home, bills, kids, and soccer games wear us down.
I came home feeling a renewed energy. I have a drive that soccer, basketball, and baseball cannot squash. I know where my talents are, I know what I want to do with my life, I know where my passion is. These are things that so many people live trying to discover but roadblocks get in the way. My husband knows his too. We’ve had these discovered long ago, but we forget to engage it. We sometimes carry too many burdens.
So, between Ed Sheeran, a trip up north, and a good quote from Stephen King in the ‘Shawshank Redemption’, (“Get busy living or get busy dying”) my life will be changing. I will be focusing on me and my family. I know that we have big things ahead of us. Why am I postponing this any longer?