As I tossed the coin I was wishing it would come heads, but it didn’t. It sat there burning a hole in my hand. It weighed more than a bowling ball sitting there. I felt as if the president on the other side were laughing and chomping on my flesh just to say, ‘you lose’.
I had to do it. The coin was my final method to alleviate myself from this situation, but it went against me. So, I stood there faced with the anxiety of having to tell the man I love my answer.
I took a deep breath. I was trying to come up with the words. I really wanted to say that I wouldn’t, couldn’t even, but then I would look like a coward. He may never see me the same. Who am I kidding, he loves me, right?
When I finally found my voice, I started to answer him, but he interrupted me.
“I’m not going to make you do it. I mean, I really want you to, but I promised I wouldn’t force you.” I shook my head. I thought to myself how often he had been there for me. I could give him this one pleasure. It’s not everyday I have the ability to make him happy like this. I opened my mouth, searching for the right words.
“I’ll do it.” I muttered. My heart flip-flopped in my chest. My palms were sweaty. I hoped more than anything nothing humiliating would happen as I took a step closer to him. He smiled warmly at me.
“Really?” He asked. He looked at me as if he didn’t believe me.
“I said I would.” I replied.
“Yeah, but it’s literally been me begging for over a year. Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked, he had hope in his eyes.
“I trust you.” I said. Part of me was lying, but I really wanted to believe it. I felt like I was giving him a part of my life that I wasn’t mentally prepared for. He reached out his hand to me and I took a deep breath as I grabbed his.
“It’ll be over in less than 3 minutes. I promise!” To me, 3 minutes seemed like a long time. I bit my lower lip.
“Just make sure the bar is all the way down. I don’t wanna fall out of this thing!” I demanded as we sat in the train car together. I closed my eyes tight as the roller coaster clicked up the hill. As I heard the clicking noise I silently cursed the coin that forced me to face my fears.