I’m afraid of worms. I’m sure that’s all I have to say for you to relate to my story. Or, the true beginning, “it was Mother’s Day…” There it is. We all know what happens from here!
Yes. You would be correct. I send my adorable little heathens out to plant my morning glory’s while I am writing. My beautiful daughter comes casually strolling into the house toward me and says, “Mom.”
I glance up from my work and say, “Hmmm.”
“I have something for you?” It’s Mother’s Day, so I smile warmly at her and hold out my hand. It was the grin that gave it away. My kids don’t smile so happily at me unless they are up to no good. I automatically knew she was up to no good. I jerked my hand back.
“Seriously, Mom, give me your hand.” Nice try kid. Momma is no fool.
“Not a chance.” I say. Nice try mom, your daughter is no fool. She shrugged her shoulders and goes to turn away and then quickly turns back around and right in front of my nose is an earthworm that she is dangling and jiggling within centimeters from my mouth.
“Gotchya!” She cackles.
I screech and jerk my head back, hitting it on the wall. The pain meant nothing to me as I’m dodging the worm, scared to death I’ve been contaminated. All I can picture is the show with the emergency room visits and people have worms slurping up their bodily nutrients. The idea makes me want to faint.
Bella drinking the blood in the Twilight Saga is more appealing to me than worms. Not kidding.
I duck away from my kid and run into the bathroom. I slam the door shut and hold onto the handle as tight as I can. We don’t have locks on the bathroom so I’m holding on for dear life.
She slides her hand with said worm under the door. I’m caught in a pickle. If I back up she’s opening the door. If I stay, I risk the worm entering some threshold of a next to invisible cut in my skin and it invades my entire being. I freeze and scream.
“IF YOU DON’T GET THIS WORM OUT MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!”
“What are you really going to do, Mom? You’re scared of a little worm. You won’t come near me.”
“I’ll ground you!”
“It’s so worth it!”
“GET IT OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!”
“…sigh…” I try and rationalize with her.
“This is more fun, Mom.” I start to beg.
“Seriously. Please. Just get it out.”
“Uh-huh.” Giggles. It’s a no win situation for me.
“Look, take a candy bar or one of my pepsi’s just get the thing outta the house. Now.”
“Thanks Mom. Bye.” She grabs the pepsi.
“Where’s the worm?”
“I put it outside right after you went into the bathroom. Bye, mom! Love you.” My mouth drops. I was scammed.