Read with caution

*Read with caution due to mentioning of torture or perhaps animal cruelty and most definitely sexism*

Forgive me friends who love critters. I’m not one of you. I see their purpose and as long as I don’t have to deal with them I agree on their value. As soon as they invade my space, I lose my mind.

That said, there was a MASSIVE cricket in my store today. The lizard would have LOVED this guy as I’m sure it was full of protein. Me, not so much. It was big enough that I couldn’t get close enough to step on it for the fear that it would retaliate- or worse- jump on me.

I didn’t know what to do. In my last job, I could- you know- find a guy. I didn’t have a guy here. I was cornered to one part of the shop and I needed to get to the other side and not worry if the cricket would find its way toward me.

Normally, I would step on the small ones. This guy though was like a tarantula of crickets. Seriously.

So, I did the best thing I could think to do. I grabbed a weapon of mass destruction- the vacuum.

I plugged that thing in and stretching as far as I could I sucked the cricket up the machine.

I felt good about myself. Accomplished. I took care of myself. The problem is, there’s not a chance in a lifetime I’m emptying the vacuum. So now, I hope this thing can’t find its way out and I still need to find- you know- a guy.

My husband will empty it gleefully, as close to me as possible, in hopes that said cricket will jump on me. So, again, I’m at a loss… Not to mention I have fear and doubt walking past the vacuum.

Oy.

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